Yes it has been chaotic, a lot of trial and error but the things I listed above were not "steps" but instead 4 different things I have tried not an entire process for this task.
So the first thing I tried (exporting) this is what I did:
I made the pdf in illustrator (which printed fine)
Next I clicked file--->export--->jpg and then "save"
I did not change the color, the size or anything I only exported and saved.
I printed that and it was grey, text enlarged, and text not high quality.